Death aways comes in threes.
Three years ago, I was in deep grief. A close family friend passed away, another friend I grew up with and lived with for years passed on, and then a child died in my family.
Getting through every day without crying was a triumph. My daughter was young and this juxtaposition of joy watching her grow and deep sadness for the people gone too soon was confusing.
It was a beautiful brisk fall day, and I had a rare moment at my Music Lab without my daughter under my feet. I went outside and looked at my favorite tree on the edge of the meadow. I had never walked over to it before, and finally had the freedom to explore.
I went to the old oak and put my hands on the rough bark, thanking it for it’s beauty. I climbed into it’s branches and sat in stillness. When I climbed down I sat at the base of the tree and closed my eyes. When I opened them and there was a path pressed down in the field grass before me.
I followed this path and came to a deer that had just passed. It’s neck was contorted, if it was vertical he would have been looking up at the clouds. But locked in his gaze I could see the reflection of the revered oak I too gazed upon daily.
My gut reaction was “WHY?!! I’m sick of death!!!” And seconds after I eased into the familiar space of grief. "Hello friend..." Something I had grown to know all too well.
I laid my hands on his body. The beautiful buck was still warm. His ankle was broken and he had bled out. I felt his spirit there, I spoke to him. He led me back to the tree and I wondered how many other beings had used this tree as a gateway to the other side.
This moment was a pivotal moment in my life. The moment I stopped despairing in grief and appreciating the beauty of the shift. I felt called to help others who lost people. Who lost themselves. The deer come to me again and again. They show me when it’s time to be there to listen to the lost ones. At first I was afraid it was a symbol of oncoming death to me, but I see now they come to me as a signal when I need to show up for a living soul who is lost.
The signs are all there for you too. Pulling you to show up. Pulling you to help and show up in the way only you can, a being of light, a special soul with gifts unique to you.
It’s taken me a long time to share this story. I think I’ve been afraid of sounding crazy. The whole thing feels like a dream to me and I had a hard time believing it myself at first. The signs are real though. It happens to me time and time again. Every day I say yes to it and every day I fall deeper and deeper in flow.
Sometimes I wonder, how can I continue to feel connected to spirit in this way? Surely nothing this spectacular could happen again… and then it does. Every day I’m in awe of the beauty of being alive in this body, in this world. Inspiring awe and wonder in those around me, is easy when I’m in a perpetual state of awe and wonder. Grateful for the good things, grateful for all the pain too. One would not exist without the other.
The music is a tool I use to help people. It's for me, you, our teachers. A language like so many others that can play a pivotal role in our transformation.
Wonder why you see the same people again and again in the photos for Lady Rockstars, babyPUNK and all the other things we offer? They come back again and again, for the music and the connection. For the magic.