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Broken Open

May 21, 2019

So many of us are looking for answers without knowing the question.  

 

What is the question?

Photo Credit: Krystle Baller

 

I went to Thrive Retreat last week, a 2 day getaway for non-profit workers who need tools to practice self care, sponsored by Blue-Cross Blue-Shield.  Many epiphanies were had.  To say I needed to be there is an understatement.

 

Greeting us at the door was a table filled with books wrapped in brown paper with descriptor words beautifully written on them.  

 

The one that spoke to me had the words "Transformation" "Difficult Times" "Tools" written on it.

 

Some very personal serendipitous moments were released when I cracked open it's spine.  One of these moments was the reading of this line:

 

"The soul comes to earth to learn lessons...  The question," she said leaning closer to me, "is what lesson does your soul want to learn.  Do you know?"

 Photo Credit: Krystle Baller

 

Those words took my breath away.  No more than a few days after discussing searching for the question, had it found me.  You see I've been telling myself a story, others have been telling it to me as well.  

 

"Krystle you have been through so much.  Your childhood was rough.  You left an unhealthy marriage.  You moved yourself and business back to back.  You spent months not knowing if you would be able to see your daughter every time you dropped her off at school.  Not knowing how you would survive.  You work non-stop.  You're tired.  If anyone was in your shoes they would fold under the pressure.  But you can't.  You don't have a choice."

 

But I did have a choice and I didn't fold. 

 

And I realized the truth.  I'm strong as hell. 

 

After doing the work at the retreat, some realizations began to take shape.  The biggest one being:

 

I AM NOT MY MISSION.

 

My mission is a part of me and so very important, but I have been living and breathing it so much that I forgot to take care of myself along the way.  Giving back, healing others with music was a way that I was coping with my own pain for years.  Giving others joy, seeing them thrive helped me escape my reality in short spurts before settling back into my hurt.  Making the hard choices I have made these past few months, has led to me facing the pain that has been living with me for a long time.

 

I am thankful for my trauma.  It has been a teacher to me so many times, again and again.  It has forged me into a diamond.

 

I am mentally, emotionally, spiritually and physically ready to thrive and my mind is clear. 

 

One of the lessons my soul came to learn, is how to love through the pain and it starts with me.

 

Rosie Molinary, the brilliant & compassionate woman behind the Thrive Retreat and Founder of Circle De Luz said last week,

 

"Life keeps handing you the thing you need to learn until you learn from it."

 

I chose to love myself when I made these hard decisions and ever since the dam broke I have been bombarded with signs from the universe that I'm right on track.

 

 Photo Credit: Elizabeth Palmisano

 

What lesson does your soul want to know? 

 

 

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