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How I Found My Confidence

May 30, 2017

Self confidence is a weird thing.  All of us want it.  Most of us think we need more of it.  Women are particularly afflicted by insecurity.  I'm no stranger to crippling self-doubt and if you are reading this, you probably aren't either.  I'm not claiming to be an expert on becoming brave, but I definitely know a thing or two.  

 

 

Depression Makes You Do Crazy Things
In my early 20s, my sadness led to bravery
.  The circumstances that culminated my
grand exit were not pretty.  I buried myself in work, trying to keep busy and ignore the fact that I was completely miserable.  Living alone then was perhaps not the best thing, I would come home and sit like a statue.  Forgetting to eat, forgetting to really take care of myself at all.  

 

At this point in my life my relationship with music was on the rocks.  We had a passive relationship as I was just a listener and had long cast my dreams of rock stardom aside.  I asked the universe to present me with some kind of way out.  Ask and ye shall receive.  Just the idea of moving to an island alone was enough to start to peel back the layers of misery.  
That little bit of hope was enough to push me to being brave.  That and a fear of failure.  I had already told everyone I was moving.  If I didn't go then everyone would know what a coward I was.  I had nothing to lose.  As soon as I left, I knew I was never coming back.

 

Music Is A Woman
Once on the island, I quickly found myself working multiple jobs again as a waitress, barista, and also by selling seashells by the seashore (I kid you not). Straight hustlin' and within walking distance of the beach.  My life seemed like a dream.  Everywhere I went, a path led me to a person I was supposed to meet.  Through these serendipitous moments I started to feel my place in the universe and the depression became a memory.  Back in flow, music said "WHERE YA BEEN?".  

 


Music is a feminine energy.  I think of her as a creative sprite if you will.  She comes and goes.  We are a channel for her to work through.  Sometimes she flows through us like a tap, other times we turn the tap and find she's off somewhere else, being another artists muse and we learn to just do the math and coax her back out on our own.  
I like to think that Music and Bravery are old friends.  They convene for tea from time to time and talk about work and the frailty of the human ego.  Humans are their beautiful little pets and they share stories of times past and dream of what's to come.  Bravery always primes the pump so music can flow through a person completely raw and beautiful.  When these two forces work together magic is born.

 

 

Tapping Into Your Magic
My crippling self doubt closed the tap, preventing all opportunities for magic.  Music could not come to me anymore because I gave her no opportunities to show herself.  But when I stared fear in the face and walked forward anyway, with each step my insecurities started to fade and Bravery joined my side.  Because of my newfound emboldened state, when I saw an acoustic bass leaning against a wall, I actually picked it up and the perfect teacher happened to be sitting in the room.  


This teacher not only taught me bass, he taught me how to believe in myself, and little did either of us know, he taught me how to teach.

 

Know You're Worthy.
This gift of self worth and empowering others will not end with that momentous time in my life.  I'm passing it on to as many people as I can, especially women.  Because women need to know that they are valuable, amazing, and can do anything they want to do.  Did I solve all of my issues with self doubt?  Nope, but you better believe I know that I am capable of being brave. Because of this I can help other women and girls be brave too.  I'm ready to make magic.

 

Through Lady Rockstars I have been able to re-create the magical experience that transformed me and give that to other women.  I would be honored to share this with you.  It's more than music, it's about believing in yourself and connecting with others.  Check out my upcoming classes here.

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