Moms are the most badass people in this world. Trust me. Having a baby is the most hardcore thing I've ever done, and I've been in a mosh pit at a Slayer show. This is the weird story of the birth of my rock n' roll baby girl, Cadence.
I found out I was pregnant on April 1st, 2013. I was not aware it was April Fool's Day until I called my mom and she didn't believe me.
Then, a few months into my pregnancy this happened:
My husband and I startled the Ultrasound Tech when we simultaneously screamed, "TAKE THE PICTURE!!!" at the moment this was taken. Being musicians and lovers of all that is rock, we shared this ultrasound image with pride (and still do).
My water prematurely broke behind the cash register at a Victoria's Secret. I was ringing up a little old lady who was insisting she pay with exact change. I thought I peed myself, but it just kept coming out. I shoved a paper towel roll between my legs and waddled out of the store which I thankfully never had to enter again. I drove home to meet my anxious husband feeling every emotion possible. I hadn't felt a contraction at all at this point.
The doctor said they were going to have to induce me if things didn't kick into gear. I wanted a natural child birth so the thought of inducing the labor scared the crap out of me. I wandered around the hospital trying to get Cadence to make her way down on my own with not a lot of luck. There was one more thing they said they could try before they induced me. They hooked me up to a breast pump. It was weird, but it worked. After about 20 minutes of that awkwardness I was feeling the contractions hard and it was time to push.
At this point we had been streaming jazz music on Pandora. I told Jason to put it on the Led Zepplin station so I could focus on songs I knew all the words to. It did help a little. He made it loud for me. The nurses were all commenting on the party atmosphere of my hospital room, and smiling. I wasn't. I was in so much agony I couldn't form words.
Waves of excruciating pain were rolling over me and then something terrible happened. "Free Bird" came on.
My husband smiled, squeezed my hand and said, "Come on baby, you have to push her out when "Free Bird" climaxes". I had never wanted to punch him before this moment. I was not going to have my baby to this song. I couldn't tell him to change it though, I didn't have energy to speak. I took this as my cue to rest for a minute. I knew they weren't going to let me rest so I faked pushing until the damn song was over. Shortly after that the doctor pushed on me down there and told me where to focus my energy. The song, "Feels Like The First Time" came on by Foreigner. It was during this song that I made some serious progress. Finally with one final intense push I got her out and the long droning intro to "Iron Man" by Black Sabbath came on as the cord was cut.
Me (Krystle Baller) performing with my band a couple weeks before my water broke.
My birth experience wasn't what I thought it would be, but I did know that whatever it was it wouldn't be "normal". I'm just not wired that way. I love my weird little family.
Does your family have any interesting birth stories? I'd love to hear them! If your kids are still little you should bring them to our next babyPUNK class and tell us all about it in person!
They are every 1st and 3rd Wednesday and 2nd Saturday. You can register here.